The War of 1812 (or was it....?)

Okay history students, pop quiz: Who fought in the War of 1812? Why was this war fought and who won it? If you're not really sure then here is a very short video for you. WARNING: This will not help you answer the above questions, but it will help you with your self-esteem issues. After all, ignorance loves company, right?

HT: Mitch Milner

Prescription for the Day: A Sheet of Paper

As the second wisest man who ever lived noted, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine..." So stop taking yourself and your problems so seriously and go find a piece of paper. I think maybe we can learn a thing or two from little Micah.

Swagger Wagon

For over a decade we drove our little family everywhere in a 1997 Dodge Caravan that we nick-named "Moby" (guess what color it was.) This is for you Moby, long may you run, long may you run...

International Security Threat Levels

•The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved”. Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross”. The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

•The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards”. They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

•The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender”. The rise as precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

•Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”. Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides”.

•The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs”. They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbor” and “Lose”.

•Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

•The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

•Canada doesn’t have any alert levels.

•New Zealand has raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA”. Because of continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is “I hope Australia will come and rescue us”.

•Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain: “Crikey!”, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
(From the website The Whole Garden Will Bow)

HT: Samuel Stephen Thomas

Kevin Bacon at New St. Andrews

Okay, admittedly I'm some sort of NSA "insider-geek." I knew personally the first four graduates of NSA, I have 2 1/4 children who graduated from this college, and I sat on the NSA board of trustees for 3 years. So I cannot gage whether or not anyone else will enjoy this short film. But I chortled and laughed my way through the whole enchilada. More, more, more!.........

Pop Tarts

As someone who grew up eating this food-like substance, I really enjoy the quote and video below. Can I get a witness?

"There’s a new Pop-Tarts café opening in Times Square. Finally, a way to enjoy Pop-Tarts without the hassle of making them myself." (Jimmy Fallon)

Men, Men, Men, Men...

HT: Russell Woods

A Post About Two Things I've Never Understood

"The U.S. should have won against Slovenia but a referee disallowed the winning goal for no apparent reason. This referee is very lucky that we don’t care about soccer." (Jimmy Kimmel)

"Universal Studios’ 'Harry Potter' theme park opened today. At the front gate, there's a sign that says, 'You must be this nerdy to ride this ride.'" (Jimmy Fallon)

Futbol!

Here are three random thoughts about soccer: 1) I am one of the world's worst soccer players, and I have the story to prove it. 2) One of my nephews just earned a collegiate soccer scholarship (way-to-go Kyle!). 3) Although I admire the incredible athleticism of the sport, I just don't "get it" enough to actually watch soccer on TV, or on a boat with a goat, or in a box with a fox, etc.

And from the banter of the late-night comedians, it would appear that this American is not alone. Viz:

"It’s a great day for the world, as the World Cup begins. On behalf of all Americans, I’d like to say, 'Eh.'"

"There are a lot of differences between basketball and soccer. For instance, in basketball, something happens."

"The best way to watch soccer matches is to TiVo them and watch them at double speed. That way you can see them not scoring goals much faster."

"In the U.S., soccer’s popularity ranges somewhere between Jon Gosselin and people that give out raisins on Halloween."

"The reason Americans don’t get into soccer is because the scores are too low. They should make each goal worth two points, and then maybe let the players use their hands, and then maybe add some hoops and a basketball. Americans would watch that."

Top Ten Reasons Americans Don't Like Soccer
10. Too many foreigners
9. Loud horns make it hard to nap through boring parts
8. Bench-clearing brawls not as much fun without bats or sticks
7. No theme song asking if we are ready for some soccer
6. Not enough 'roids
5. Lots of players with umlauts in their names
4. Americans too busy reading
3. Doesn't have the heart-pounding action of a 5-hour baseball game
2. No TV timeouts means fewer snack breaks to stuff our fat faces
1. Too much kicking, not enough rasslin'

P.S. For all you soccer fans that are right now struggling with "hooligan" thoughts about me, and indulging a fantasy that involves me, a blindfold and a penalty kick, I can only say with Seinfeld's uber-pathetic George Costanza, "It's not you, it's me."

Mousetrap

Too funny (but only if you watch 'til the end.)

(HT: Kevyn Vinson)

Don't Run With Scissors

"Police in Indiana are searching for a man who robbed a tobacco store with a pair of scissors. They said the guy could be a real danger — unless you have a rock." (Jimmy Fallon)

A Dave Barnes Christmas

We've been enjoying the music of Dave Barnes for about a year now, and would highly recommend his CDs to all. But who knew he was so weirdly funny as well? Enjoy. (HT: Kyle McMullen)

Octopus in Love

Too funny!

Translating Joe Cocker (finally!)

Although it took a team of translators working around the clock for nearly four decades, they were finally able to translate Joe Cocker's With a Little Help From My Friends performed in 1969 at the famous Woodstock concert. FYI: Zondervan is already seeking permission to do a "gender neutral" version of the same. Enjoy.

Rogaine!

According to Tim Hawkins, as Eric Clapton rolls into the winter of his years, his classic "Cocaine" will must needs be replaced by "Rogaine." Enjoy.

I'm Greener Than You...

"Nissan announced that they’ve developed a new car that gets 367 miles per gallon. It’s called the Nissan Fred Flintstone....In a related story, Toyota just announced their new car will get 500 mpg, plant rainforests, and give birth to endangered pandas." (Conan O'Brien)

Acapella Tribute to John Williams (Star Wars)

Clever and humorous. Clemorous. (Soundtrack by "Moosebutter") Enjoy.

Monty Christie

Forty years later this sketch is still quite funny. Enjoy.

Ladies, please be kind to us...

Penelope Strikes Again!!!

Color me strange, but I think the Penelope sketches are quite funny. Here's "Penelope Goes to Therapy." Enjoy.